Another Fall Break

Sitting in Starbucks on my first day of Fall Break, I’m thinking about how different life is this year than at this time last year. We’re at the first nine weeks mark, and I’m feeling ridiculously blessed to be here instead of there. Last year at this time, I did a pros and cons list, which has been interesting, if not for anyone else, for me to look back at and, like any bad relationship, to be able to say, “I should have known THEN.” I think this post will be very different to look back on :)

First of all, school counseling is a whole different world than teaching. I don’t have to manage a classroom, and there is no discipline and no keeping kids in order, which means that I get to always be the “good guy” who encourages kids when they’re down. It is no secret that I really like being the good guy. There is no grading and no lesson planning, which means that I get to arrive at school when it starts and leave when it ends…instead of an hour before and after as was often the case last year. Trust me, 6:30 a.m. Wal-Mart runs for food lab supplies don’t really incite an, “I love my job!” response anywhere within me.

Second, you have to have a “cons” list, or it doesn’t seem realistic. However, I’m having trouble coming up with a down side to my job. I guess if anything, it would be that I get “stuck” in my office a lot, which means I’ve met maybe 30 kids of the probably 700. Another thing is that while I feel challenged in many ways (figuring out procedurally how things work, solving ethical dilemmas, and sorting through emotional difficulties with kids), I find myself craving more critical thinking and tangible things like statistics and data. Fortunately, once I get a handle on the first set of challenges, I’ll be able to incorporate the second set more easily. Contrary to popular opinion I’ve heard from counselors, I love the administrative parts of the job—testing, organizing test information, interpreting testing data, evaluation, and improvement based on that evaluation. LOVE my job! (Cons section fail! It had too good an ending!)

So, I love my new job, but I'm glad to be on a break! Tonight, we are headed homeward to celebrate birthdays and enjoy the atmosphere of relaxation and home. Here are some pictures of where we are headed.

Mr. Ramsey, I Respectfully Disagree

We have all heard it, many of us from America’s most prolific financial advisor: “Money is the number one cause of divorce in America.”

Not. True.

Money is like a thermometer that can reflect the health of a relationship. The biggest struggle about money is that we all come with baggage and beliefs about how money should be spent, saved, and handled. These beliefs generally have deep roots and come emotionally charged because it is part of our human nature to see money as a representation of status, security, and the control we are able to exert over our lives.

In marriage, we are vulnerable to being challenged about our status, security, and sense of control over our lives. When we choose to live with another person 24/7, we give up a little of the control we felt when we were single. We now depend on that person and they way they handle money for part of our security, and their status affects ours. And the trouble is that they grew up seeing money differently than we did.

Imagine Couple A. Husband A grew up in a family where money seemed to grow on trees, so he thinks nothing of spending a large portion of the month’s income on entertainment. Wife A grew up in a family that scrimped and saved and budgeted down to the last penny. Wife A is soon going to feel very insecure about the well-being of her family, while Husband A is going to feel restricted by his “tightwad” of a wife. He may fear that she will try to control him in other aspects of their marriage. She fears they won’t be able to enjoy life because of money trouble.

If Couple A never sorts through the beliefs and fears they have about money, then money will become a problem in their marriage. But is the money the problem? Or is it the inability to get to the bottom of their vulnerabilities and expectations about money? When Jesus says that the root of all evil is money, I don’t think He means the money itself. I think He means the way we deal with money—idolization, refusal to let go of our beliefs and let Him work on how we handle it. Often, I think God allows us to be shaped and challenged by our partner so that we can grow.

I think the couple who is able to sort through the emotional mess that is represented by money is the couple who is able to sort through the issues in all the other areas of marriage as well. The couple who is not able to communicate about the difficult things is not going to be able to communicate about money, either. Therefore, the communication—or lack thereof—is the cause of marital problems. Money is just a symptom of the problem.

Maybe I’m speaking from a mountaintop where I’m blessed to have very similar views on money as my husband, but I fear that too many people are chalking up their marital troubles to “money” and not seeking to fix the true root of the problem.

Tribute to Turning Twenty-Seven

In my gerontology class in college, I learned that age can be defined in many ways. For example, you might interact with people much younger or older than you, so your “social age” may not reflect your accumulation-of-years-on-Earth age. Maybe you have a “career” age that indicates how far up the ladder you’ve climbed. And now, our Wii age tells us how badly we are out of shape. (I think I’m 40 on a good day and 76 on the days I draw the boxing fitness test.) In my daily life, the more important variety of age is the how old do I REALLY look age? Because I think I’ll always be 15. I’m not a millimeter over 5’3” and weigh in just under the limit where they let you give blood. I’m constantly mistaken for a student at the junior high in which I work, which all goes together to make it seem really odd that I’m turning 27 tomorrow.

Today we sold Luke’s truck, and as I received the check from the buyer, it struck me that this is something adults do. It got me to thinking…what other grown-up, adult, full-fledged big-girl things have I done in my life?

Paying my own rent and bills. On the FAFSA application and in actual practice, my Estimated Family Contribution was zero. From the day I spent $50 in Dollar General buying laundry soap, a broom, and other dorm room essentials, I’ve been financially on my own. I use that term loosely because God provided the money for me to fund college and pay for rent and food. I didn’t do that…but neither did my parents. Therefore, I score some adult points.

On a vaguely related side note, I’ve never known anyone in my family to maintain a working car for more than a couple of years. Also, they don’t buy cars from dealers. They’re more into the discount-if-you-can-make-it-run variety. Keeping Susie (my reputable-dealer car) until she dies (years and years from now) will be an act of positive rebellion. Adult points!

Getting married. Not everyone is an adult when they get married. Many adults are not very grown-up when they tie the knot, so we tried to make sure we were. Maybe you’re never really old enough to get married, but it’s all about whether you can grow together as you add years.

Getting a real job. It doesn’t take much emotional strength (ooh, adult point for using a big, grown-up-sounding phrase!) to find the perfect job, get settled in, and ride into the sunset with a 40-year career and a tidy retirement. Strength comes from getting the world’s suckiest job, surviving it, finding a job that is worse than that one, being unemployed because you weren’t asked to come back, and surviving it all…and then finding the perfect job, getting settled in, etc., etc., and having the true ability to appreciate what you have.

So there it is, all the proof and evidence a person could need to conclude that I’m a grown-up. So no matter what factors may indicate otherwise, tomorrow I will turn 27, whatever that means in the grand scheme of things. Tonight, though, Luke is taking me to Red Lobster, and we are going to have a fabulous last night of my 26!

"The Dullest Pencil Has a Better Memory than the Sharpest Mind"

At a book fair in first grade, I bought a book called My First Diary and filled it out with a special excitement I’ve felt about few things in life. Since then, I’ve always, always kept a journal. It’s my release and the way I deal with the things I can’t deal with any other way. Last weekend, I got stuck reading through the prayer journal I’ve kept through the past year.

The biggest thing I noticed was that man, last year, was ROUGH! I heard once that if you want to boil a frog (gross), you put it first in cold water and then gradually heat the water. Otherwise, the frog would jump out. I think that was the way the last year was. It started with high hopes and gradually stole away all my hope and energy (a little dramatic? Maybe.) Looking back, I could see how things progressed from not great to bad to worse to hopeless in the space of just a few months.

I’m so happy to be happy now. I literally forgot what that was like—to the point that I didn’t even realize I wasn’t happy. The dramatic changes of a new job and new place to live have brought to light such a stark contrast to the life in which I was stuck that I can’t help but realize how different things are now. I have so much more energy at the end of the day for LIFE.

I can see how God was still with me, even in the darkest corners of those days. Sometimes, I don’t think you can see that until you look back at the whole picture. One thing I wrote in my journal as a prayer (and here’s a disclaimer—I don’t think this is my original thought, but I can’t remember whose original thought it was…) was this, “You mold and shape me every day. You don’t answer the way I want, and that makes you a BIG God. If all you were was what I could imagine you to be, you would only be as big as ME, and I know I wouldn’t make a very good God.”

This was when I had applied for 23 positions in 7 schools and didn’t know what I was doing this year. This was when Luke had applied for just about as many and hadn’t gotten anywhere either. We had SO many times that we prayed, “please let us get this job,” and God’s answer had been no. As always, however, it all led to where we are now, which is better than anything we would have planned for ourselves. I know God has brought us into this “spacious place” (See Psalm 18 below) for His purposes, and it makes me want to grow close to Him now to learn how my life can be lived in gratitude to this big God who is capable of such dramatic transformation.

16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

he drew me out of deep waters.

¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the LORD was my support.

¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;

he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Top 10 Movies

I don't buy a lot of movies, so I only purchase the ones that I'll watch over and over. Here's the top ten list of movies I own that I can watch repeatedly :)

1. You’ve Got Mail
2. While You Were Sleeping
3. Where the Heart Is
4. When Harry Met Sally
5. Sleepless in Seattle
6. Return to Me
7. The Holiday
8. The Lake House
9. The Wedding Planner
10. Riding in Cars with Boys

Disney Top Ten

Luke and I watched The Rescuers tonight, which got me to thinking about which Disney movies are the brightest and best (probably the ones called the "masterpieces," but that's beside the point), so I have endeavored to create my own list of the top 10 Disney movies. This actually turned out to be harder than I thought! But, alas (sighs, wipes brow), I have composed the following and have, for added suspense, listed them in reverse order like any good countdown.

First, honorable mention goes to Fox's Anastasia. Although not produced by Disney, this is one of the BEST full-length, animated feature films ever created. (Bartok: Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I'd give her a HA! And a HI-YA! And then a OUU-WA! And I'd kick her, sir.) And it has a great soundtrack...and I never care about the soundtrack.

And for the list:

10. Toy Story (But not #2. That was bad.)

9. Finding Nemo (just keep swimming, just keep swimming)

8. Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (How do you do WHAT?!?)

7. 101 Dalmatians (I just like it when they dye themselves black and then the snow washes it off :)

6. The Emperor's New Groove (Did you see the sky today? Talk about BLUE!...Wrong LEVER!!!)

5. The Lion King (Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And everybody's OKAY with this? Did I miss something?)

4. The Jungle Book (Whadda ya wanna do? I don’t know whadda YOU wanna do? Now don’t start that again!)

3. The Incredibles (THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!)

2. The Little Mermaid (Down here all the fish is happy / As off to the waves they roll / The fish on the land ain't happy / They sad 'cause they in the bowl / But fish in the bowl is lucky / They in for a worser fate / One day when the boss get hungry...Guess who's gon' be on the plate)

1. Aladdin (Mind if I kiss the monkey? Oh, hairball!)

Hello, happy. I remember you!

I love my job! I do. I really do!

This is the first Sunday night in years that I haven't dreaded the Monday to come.

Looking at the pictures from before "life" hit over the past four years, I've spent a lot of time discouraged, feeling like the joy in my eyes was somehow just out of reach. But tonight, at this very moment, I FEEL the way I LOOK in those pictures!

I can't wait to go to work tomorrow! Eeeee! Happy dance!

Unexpected

It was just like him to go without telling anyone. He was always the adventurous sort.

He was a legend. Truly. I would bet on 300 people at the funeral because everyone knew him, and he tried everything at least once. And if you ever ate beef or lettuce or used something that came out of a pipe, it’s likely he may have delivered it on his truck, where his true passion was.

He didn’t like chocolate. I remember learning that Grandpa didn’t like chocolate when I was very small, and my brain has yet to comprehend it. However, my brother found a bag of gummy bears on the counter. What 80-year-old guy eats gummy bears? (Exactly. That was the type of guy he was.) I knew I got that from someone.

Like a lot of men in his generation, he didn’t always know how to show love, and he was certainly not the cuddly grandpa type. But he always praised my successes, came to my graduations, and had a bit of advice for just about any situation.

This will change our family, as death always does. How do 5 adult children divide memories and possessions gathered over a lifetime when there was no warning, no plan, and a lot of memories that will make it difficult? Binding together at THIS time is the key to staying together when the head of the family is no longer there to lead. I will pray for that unity.

Our (Rent) House

Renting our house is like an adopting an old dog from the pound.

It's not the cute, new puppy everyone says "Awww" when they see. It's the half-blind, grey-behind-the-ears, flea-bitten grandpa dog off by itself in the corner. You know he's seen better days...and probably a few worse ones. If not for a gracious caretaker, he would sit there, sad and alone to finish out his days with nothing but memories.

Our house, like grandpa dog, was alone for several months before us. Because of a new children's center, we are the last occupants the house will likely ever see. Casting aside its years of service, the city's going to dismantle it or, at best, move it out of city limits to join a graveyard of houses that have met similar fates. Meanwhile, we are borrowing its last few months, and I always wonder what it has seen and what memories it holds.

Our visitors give me a few ideas. No one walks in and exclaims, "What a NICE house!" Instead, they get misty-eyed and reminisce about the place they lived when they were first married. They touch its hardwood frame and smile knowingly as if remembering the first meal they shared sitting on milk crates across a cardboard box that served as dining room furniture.

They tell us it looks like a mansion compared to where THEY lived (and we think where they live now actually IS a mansion). And then come the stories of the lives they have lived, their eyes envisioning for us the hope of our memories that are yet to be made.

They say, "You'll have the best times of your married life in this house." And that's good to remember when I kill a spider in the bathtub or suffer near heat exhaustion baking my first cherry pie in the distant-from-a/c-kitchen.

But it feels like home, and I feel honored to join the others who have shared the house's history. Like an old pet, the house and its memories will be difficult to part with at the end, but I'm looking forward to the life we'll share while we are together.

Decorating Projects

I got a sewing box (kind of like this one). Now for figuring out how to use the sewing machine so I can make curtains and maybe some other things eventually.

This is kind of what I made for the kitchen. Boards covered in fabric that will go on the wall across from the painted accent wall. The colors in the fabric match the tone of the wall.

I want to build something like this, minus the legs, for our front porch.

Books

Books I've read so far this summer...

Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy

*a little different from others of hers--a good thing. GREAT story teller. You feel like you know the people in the story.*

Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

*slow start but awesome story--worth it!*

The Witness by Dee Henderson

*AWFUL. Good suspense but wayyyy too cheesy and very anti-climactic ending*

Drenched in Light by LIsa Wingate

*Halfway through. So far so good. Author is from OK and OSU. Book is about a school counselor :)*

Summer Goals

With approximately 2 months off, I've found myself with a good amount of free time! Here are the goals I have:

1. See all my bridesmaids (i.e., best friends), except the one who lives in D.C. (3 down, 2 to go)

2. Be reading a book at all times (so far, 3 down--will create review/list).

3. Learn to relax and be ok without stress.

4. Figure out a good exercise/eating plan so that I can feel good about myself in that way.

5. Decorate our new house!

6. Get ready for the '10-'11 school year and my new job as a counselor.

My Idea Book

I think some people use their blogs as a place to post ideas they can use later. I think I'll try to start doing that, but my favorite part of my summer so far has been my Idea Book. A veteran teacher recommended it last summer, and it is just a book in which you write down ideas for lesson plans, activities, etc. over the summer when you have free time and creative energy. I am LOVING this book and have been cutting out recipes, writing down paint sample colors, and keeping receipts in it. Highly recommended for teacher and anyone else!

20 Things

Usually, I'm a pretty upbeat and happy person, but when I first wake up in the mornings, it takes a good while to ease into that positive attitude, so after last week's sermon in which the pastor said, "Praise and discouragement cannot coexist," I have tried an experiment. Mentally as I'm getting ready for work, I make this list, and it helps get me into a better frame of mind and helps me to begin the day with God on my mind. So here goes:

10 things I have to be thankful for

5 things I am looking forward to today (this one is the hardest)

3 things I am looking forward to this week

2 things I need God's help with in order to get through the day